Thursday, November 25, 2010

Dear Shadow.

Dear Shadow .
This particular shadow, lived deep within me, raised me..  I was so fearful , and I was never right. Always told what to do, who to become, what was expected.  I could feel my body wanting to break free from it, but I wasn't strong enough, not quiet yet, I wasn't ready. Breaking away would mean I'd be absolutely alone.  Thou it taught me life lessons, I grew to become what it wanted from me.  The day my soul was breached,  my entire being was broken in half. I had to recover, I knew I couldn't be with it no longer. No longer could I carry the burden of its chains. I wanted to run so far and so fast. I wanted to be the complete opposite, and rebel, find a new.
 So I did. I used everything I had within me, no matter how bad I knew it was going to hurt, I had to lift myself off the ground, and into the light. I had no idea where I was going... my heart pounded..  I closed my eyes, and just believed in my heart. It was such a rush, I felt so light. I kept getting higher and higher, I completely forgot where I was supposed to be going. When I touched down again, I realized that I had wandered in the wrong direction.  I knew I had some back tracking to do, so I settled down in the mountains, and followed my feet. It was a cold and lonely walk, but there was something warm I was drawn to, so I kept my heart in my hands and started to create.  I closed my eyes again, and I had this surge of energy to create & feel and I felt this sense of passion and purpose I had never felt before, at 23, I felt what it was like to really live... I will not live a life submissive to that shadow. I never felt the light, because of a forecast to change me.  And this bird You cannot change.
I will find the strength to confront the hurt, guilt and abandonment that this shadow in my life has caused. I am stronger than the dark, I will embrace it, love it, and forgive. Not because I am better than it, but it has shaped my life, character and personality. Given me a different perception, feeling, acknowledgement on life. Ultimately has made me stronger.  For that, I embrace, so I can continue living in the light, and share my journey. And BE, surrounded in the things I love. My gifts.
 So my shadow, my dear friend, let us find a balance together, I would not be me, without you.

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